I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
