May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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