i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
