my mouth tastes like poor choices
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
