Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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