I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
