He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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