So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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