You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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