White coat. Heels.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
