i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
time to smoke my breakfast
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
