marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
