Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
