I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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