i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
