I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
