Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
