it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
