so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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