People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
