Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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