he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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