Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
