why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
