Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
