No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
