Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
