I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
