It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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