And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
