Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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