saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everclear isn't food dammit
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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