it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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