this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
