there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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