hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
