My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
