but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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