No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
