She's JV to your varsity
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
