somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she told me i tasted like america
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
