Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
