i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
