he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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