I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
