evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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