Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
