this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
