Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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