when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
