No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
