We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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