We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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