no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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