Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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